


The Portrait

by RavenSalander



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anxiety, Art, Death, Depression, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Love/Hate, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Severus is an asshole, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-04-13 23:01:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14122731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenSalander/pseuds/RavenSalander
Summary: A cursed young woman desperate to find peace of mind.A man who thinks he shouldn't have survived.A portrait of a dead woman will change both of their lives, bringing them together.They will need each other to survive in a world where the dead remember.And Death is waiting.





	1. It's dark enough to see the stars

**Author's Note:**

> Hello fellow readers !
> 
> This is my first HP fanfiction ever and I want to say a big thank you to my friend Veronique for translating it in english (my first langage is french).  
> This first chapter is a kind of prologue to the story. I don't know how many chapters it will contain but it should be between 20 and 30.
> 
> I MUST WARN YOU that this is NOT a happy story. It has a lot of depression and anxiety references. The main characters will suffer (see the tags) and I guess it can be categorized as a dark fic.  
> I don't even know if there will be a happy ending or not.
> 
> Don't be shy to leave comments ! I always reply.
> 
> Thank you :)

January 9th, 1999

**Dear Professor Snape,**

**I would first and foremost wish you a new excellent year and a prompt recovery. My name is Lucy Velvet. I do not know if you remember me, but I was one of your potion class students belonging to the Ravenclaw house inbetween the years 1991 and 1998. I got to know through The Quibbler that you triomphed in your lawsuit against the Magical Justice Court, after spending months at St-Mungo and Azkaban. It must have been a long and hazardous end of the year, but you are at last free from all accusations! You deserve it. I am friend with Luna Lovegood, who happens to be one of Harry Potter's friends, so you certainly understand the reason why I am already on your side, regarding the whole story about you...**

**I am sorry for moving away from the actual subject. I have so much to say...  
The reason I'm writing to you on this day is for asking you a favor … I am aware one of your previous students that you won't recognize may be the least of your worries, especially after those long weeks of trial, but I have to admit being desperate.**

**I have come to known your reputation for being one of the best Occlumens in this world, if not THE best? Getting to fool You-Know-Who all this years is proof enough.**

**My request is simple: Would you accept in teaching me Occlumency? I would, of course, charge you the habitual salary of a teacher, unless you would ask for more. I am open to discussions.  
As I said, I am desperate and I would certainly not take this form of art as a simple hobby. Even if I look up to acquaintances, read all the books about this subject, nothing compares to your reputation.**

**With best regards,**

**Lucy Velvet**

 

Lucy read her letter many times before sealing it and giving it to Faust, her message bird. She affectionately scratched the top of his head, Faust next taking off from the small apartment's window. The young woman watched it disappear into the foggy and rainy sky of London, soon turning around to prepare her tea and get back to her latest piece.  
She grabbed her pencils, resting her choice on an emerald green color, and got started on the irises of the woman who was hunting her previous nights... Each of her strokes were light. Lucy wanted to reflect the feeling of tenderness she could get from this mesmerizing gaze. She didn't know the woman, but had the feeling she may have crossed her eyes somewhere, other than in a dream. It was evidently impossible as Lucy had a good memory of faces and knew she had never crossed path with such woman in her life.

Anyway, that person had died a long time ago.  
How did she know?

The woman told her.

***

January 16th, 1999

A week went by before an owl came pecking at her bedroom's window, a small letter attached to its frail claw. Lucy moved away from her desk and opened to the bird. She opened the parchment and rapidly read the small lettering scribbled inside.  
Too rapidly in fact.

 

January 16th, 1999

**Miss Velvet,**

**You were right, the delusional request of a student I don't even care to remember is the last thing I need to worry about.**

**The answer is no.**

**Signed,**

**Severus Snape**

 

Lucy contemplated the piece of paper with a frown for a moment.  
That was all her old teacher had to answer? He didn't even ask for a reason to her request! And how could her request to learn Occlumency be delusional? Lucy knew Snape didn't probably had things going easy on his end for these lasts months, and a part of her somehow knew he would refuse... but to receive such a cold answer? He could have even answered her on the same day, instead of wasting so much time in waiting, especially regarding his short reply.

''Okay, no worry, don't stress about it,'' she told herself, taking a deep, calming breath, finally grabbing a piece of paper and a quill.

As she was starting to write, the newcomer owl did a small sound, impatient.

''It won't be long,'' she reassured, giving it a small biscuit that was laying on a plate nearby. ''I'm going as fast as I can, alright?''

The biscuit seemed to appease the animal, the woman getting back to task; writing the most pitiful answer there could be. She had nothing to lose. She had to find a way to convince him.

 

**Dear Professor Snape,**

**I implore you to please reconsiderate. I absolutely must become an Occlumens and you are my last hope! I will do anything you want.**

**Cordially,**

**Lucy Velvet**

 

She shouldn't panic. Everything was doing fine. Snape could even come back on his decision and show some comprehension... Lucy didn't like being so insistant, but it was for the best.

She had to learn Occlumency or else she would finish just like-

No. She couldn't think about it...  
She had to stay strong, at all cost.

She folded the letter, next giving it to the owl, watching it soon fly away. It was already getting late and, even though Lucy was no believer, she prayed all existing gods in this world so her ancient teacher would concede to her demand.

She let out a sigh as she got back to her drawings. She scribbled some sketches, but soon her inspiration was interrupted as she looked up to the green eyed woman which she portayed last week.  
Lucy have had the occasion to see her more clearly in her dreams, so she had added autumn colors to her long curvy hair. Each time she completed a piece, the artist would animate them with a single charm from her wand. The woman's portrait was soon enough smiling to her, her eyes shining with infinite tenderness.

It was probably one of the best pieces she had done until now...

 

The second letter arrived that same night, late. Lucy, for the first time in her life, thanked her insomnia for keeping her awake.

 

**Miss Velvet,**

**Can you read?**

**I said no. I would ask now that you do not pester me anymore.**

**Severus Snape**

 

The parchment fell off her hand, slowly making its way to the ground. She stayed frozen for a couple of minutes, hardly believing that her last hope had been thrown away. She didn't even acknowledge the constant flow of tears that was now pouring out of her sunken eyes...

***

_''Mommy! Mommy?''_

_The young girl was hungry, sitting by the television. Her father had gone to work, leaving her alone with her mother. It was already late, almost ten 'o clock at night, and the child should have been put to bed long since then._

_''Mommy?''_

_Maybe she had fallen asleep at her desk? That happened often. Mother was tired most of the time and that's why father did most of the cleaning and cooking around the house.  
Mother was a witch and wrote books. She often had to take potions to help her sleep. … Maybe she took too much of it and had fallen asleep before tucking her daughter in bed?_

_The young girl decided to go see her. She was feeling hungry, but knew too well that she had to ask permission from her parents before taking something to eat from the cupboards. And Lucy was a good little girl with good manners!_

_She gently knocked on her mother's door, but no answer was heard. Her bedroom too...  
The child looked around the house, but still no trace of her. Strange. She always brought her whenever she had to do any business outside._

_There was a room Lucy didn't check, but she didn't think her mother would be found there. Nobody went to the attic unless they had boxes to store._

_Against all good reasoning, Lucy was now under the trap door. Maybe mother was storing boxes?_  
The string to reach the door was too high for Lucy, but with a little concentration, and closing her eyes, the young girl asked for it to descend. As soon as small creaking sound was heard, she lift her gaze up, noticing that the door was now opened for her.   
With a smile, she clumsily climbed up.  
Lucy couldn't help thinking about Hogwarts, knowing she would be going there in three years! She would finally be able to do magic and use a wand, just like her mother. It would be much more practical than closing her eyes and wish for things to happen – which was always a lucky guess. 

_The young girl stumbled upon a dark and dusty room. She couldn't see a thing._

_''… Mommy?''_

_She stood up, guided by the light coming from the trap door, her hands guiding her towards the light switch on the nearby wall. She felt some boxes block her way until she clashed into a massive object before her. … She would need to ask her parent to clean up here, this was getting ridiculous._

_She found the switch and a weak pale light was diffused around from the ceiling. Lucy's gaze trailed around the floor, recognizing some old boxes._

_Then her eyes looked up, meeting the object on which she had clashed upon earlier._

_She first thought it was a mannequin, but she quiclkly recognized those violet eyes which she had inherited. Those long black hair. That soft skin skin that was now strangely very pale..._

_''… Mommy...''_

***

She could see the same scene before her eyes, again and again. Lucy took her hands inbetween her hands, ripping some strands of hair off her scalp, trying to stop her breakdown.

No.

No, no.

Lucy would never end up like her mother, even with that worthless family heirloom in her veins. From the day her mother left her, she promised herself to find a solution, and if Snape was refusing her, she would find another one.

The young woman took a deep breath, chased the owl away, closing her window afterward before getting back to her desk.

In three days she would go to Hogsmeade and present some of her works. She had to complete more of them in order to gain more visibility from her future customers.

She cursed Snape and his selfishness under her breath. Her pencil was moving through her emotions, the process slightly improving her mood against melancholy.

Her sketch finished, she glanced at her clock, noticing that it was near three in the morning.

She put her pencil down, admiring her work.

Lucy had drawn many people in her life. Whenever she would meet someone special, she would memorize their traits and would put them down on paper or a canvas. She had often immortalized Luna, her own father and some of her teachers at Hogwarts: McGonagall, Flitwick, even Albus Dumbledore. She had also done some portraits of the infamous Rowena Ravenclaw, one of her statue exposed at her school house's common room.

She never thought she'd get to draw Severus Snape's portrait. She had never hated him, but didn't liked him either during her scholarship.   
As she had felt immense rage against him a few hours ago, the fact that she had now put him on paper had somehow erased some of that hate away...

Even though it was a piece realized with a few strokes of fury, it was now a straight rival to the portrait of the green eyed woman.

She had succeeded in capturing his cold and harsh stare, those black eyes that had judged her throughout her years at Hogwarts. She could easily remember that long, skinny face, those greasy hair and the prominent nose. He was showing that same look of disgust...

Even though it looked like a complete success, Lucy wouldn't hang that piece at Hogsmeade.

She would never show it anywhere.  
Hogmseade received a lot of visitors daily and if Snape was ever to see his own face drawn by an old student, she certainly would risk her life.


	2. Quoth the Raven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my good friend Veronique for the translation from french to english <3

_January 18th, 1999_

Lucy woke up sweating that night. Her dreams where becoming more unstable, to the point where she was fearing sleep. Panting, she glanced at her clock: quarter pas three in the morning. The young woman had a hard time remembering when she last had a good night of sleep.

As she was getting up to prepare tea, she got the unpleasant, yet familiar, feeling that she was observed. Faust, her bird, was out hunting. She was then alone and at the mercy of this new presence.

She didn't even bother to turn around and face the presence. Lucy knew that spirit very well.

''Go away,'' she spat, making her way towards the kitchen.

''Help me.''

''Go away!'' she repeated.

The presence followed her, cloaking the woman with a putrid odor. Nausea came up to her easily, placating a hand against her mouth so she wouldn't throw up the small amount of food she had ingered last night.

''Help me.''

Lucy caught a glimpse of it by the corner of her eye. She recognized the thin and gnarled silhouette of a man in his forties. His head was misshapen and a dark liquid was oozing out of his skull. His eyes, large and empty, were piercing her like daggers. Contrary to a usual ghost, Lucy could have mistaken him for a normal living being if it wasn't for the thick black aura escaping him, just like smoke, a clear sign that Death had left its mark on him.

''I can't do anything for you. I don't know what to do.''

A cold hand touched her arm and she backed up with a jump, crashing against the cupboard now behind her. The man was facing her, panting, hissing with rage. Lucy's body was immensely shaking.  
Immobilized, she tried to redeem herself by recomforting him, but no sound left her lips. She could feel tears roll down her cheeks abundantly.  
In time, Lucy got to understand why her mother chose to abandon life and this horrible burden. The sorcerers in this family were destinied to coexist with lost souls, including those of psychopaths and murderers. It wasn't good enough to see ghosts, oh no. Death was unpredictable as it could easily steal life, but leave behind all the memories and tragic pasts of the souls, leaving them at the mercy of a 'gifted' family: the Morrigan.

Lucy never had the chance to learn about her family's origins. Her mother had been the last of her lineage and she have had no time to properly educate her sole daughter. The only solution Lucy had found was to block the spirits. Faust, her crow, was protecting the woman from the worst souls, but those ones sometimes found a way to get into Lucy's dreams and, as of right now, took advantage of the bird's absence to pay a visit.

''HELP ME!'' was shouting the spirit again and again until Lucy was on the ground, hands against her ears.

Go away. Go away! I can't do anything for you.

She was crying, shaking uncontrollably. Eyes closed, her head was shaking in every ways, trying to chase away that shrilling tone that was piercing her soul just like knife stabs. The spirit was now hitting her with his cold fists, shaking her, drowning her in that thick black liquid coming out of his skull. Lucy lost all control, vomitting anything she had held up in her stomach. The smell was unbearable.  
It was after the umpteenth strike that she let out a piercing scream. Magic held in her was then propulsed all around the room, lighting bulbs exploding, the table being launched across the kitchen and cutlery ejected from the drawers.

She finally lost consciousness, out of breath and sadness, on the cold floor of her apartment.

***

It was when she heard a loud banging at the front door that Lucy finally woke up from unconciousness. Briefly looking around, she realized the spirit had gone away and it was still night time. She felt something move on her legs and recognized her familiar, her large black bird.  
Faust had his dark eyes fixed on her, like a parent worrying for their child. The woman guessed he must have chased the spirit as soon as he got back from his hunt.

The continued banging on the door brought her back to reality, promptly getting up to answer.  
A woman dressed in a white night robe was standing on the other side, fury written all over her features.

''Don't you know what time it is? What's with all this bloody noises? Don't you have any respect for your neighbours?''

Lucy didn't know what to answer. She could still smell the putrid scent that the ghost left behind, the woman doing her best to keep her courage up and not throw again the very little she had left in her stomach.

''I... I'm sorry, I-''

''I don't care about your puny excuses! Next time, I'm calling the cops! Also, you should do something about the smell. It's like something died in here.''

Without giving her time to answer, the lady turned around, getting back into her own apartment which was facing Lucy's. The witch slowly closed her door, finally taking a good look into her home, witnessing the damages.

The kitchen was a nightmare. The table had been flipped over, many plates destroyed on the ground and a large puddle of vomit was still found on the floor. Also pretty much all lightbulbs had shattered...  
She sighed, making way to her room. She found her willow wood wand in its case, amongst her pencils and brushes, getting a hold of the magic item, finally getting the whole apartment back in order with simple spells. For the odour, she lighted up some candles and burned sage to purify the atmosphere. Faust's eyes weren't leaving her.  
The young woman could almost decipher some culpability in his gaze...

''Don't worry about it, none of this is your fault,'' she reassured, gently scratching his head. ''I can't just forbid you to hunt whole night...''

***

Morning came earlier than expected. She was to head to Hogsmeade on the next day and anxiety was slowly starting to show its face.   
She had planned to bring a small suitcase which she would widen its capacity with the help of magic so it could hold all her art equipment. She wasn't planning on using her pencils today, so Lucy made sure everything was in place at least two times.

Once it was done, she wrote a short letter that she gave to Faust, next sitting down, reading The Quibbler, which she received one per week.

The answer to her letter was fast received. Only two hours after it being sent, Faust came back with a parchment rolled to his leg.  
The woman opened it, reading:

 

**My dearest Lucy,**

**I am doing well, thank you. Did you know my father and I decided to grow a new type of plant in our garden? It's called Ventiartis. I personally use it to as a tea brew as it is said to protect from Nargols, but also from bad spirits and it can stimulate creativity. All wonderful effects!  
It was also pretty expensive.... I could prepare you some tea bags if you want some? I tried it once but I unfortunately fell asleep before I could beneficiate from its effects.**

**Oh and to answer your question, I am free today. It has been a while since we saw eachother and I am eager to see what you will be exposing at Hogsmeade. Do you want to come for tea? Father will probably be at his desk, writing the next issue of The Quibbler, but he would gladly let you in. You are always welcome in here.**

**Luna L.**

 

Her friend's reply brought a smile to her tired face. Luna, even by writing, could always brighten her day.

Lucy wrote a short reply, saying she would be departing, next leaving it to Faust. She quickly got dressed and brushed her teeth, but didn't even take time to place her hair. A single glance in the mirror showed that they were still as messy as always, hence why she kept them short.

She got out of her apartment, gladly tucked into her long and dark coat, her purple scarf around her neck. She quickly looked around the hallway, making sure she was alone, then disappearing.

She appeared near a hill, which on top was standing a black house which reminded her of the tower piece in a chess game. A freezing wind pinched her face, shivering in her scarf. She walked on the crooked path, filled with strange and diverse plants, all finely coated with a thin snow layer. She got to the Lovegood's door, filled with iron nails and an eagle shaped knocker. She didn't have time to knock that a young blonde and blue eyed girl answered, a dreamy smile on her face.

''Hi, Lucy. Get in, I just brewed some tea!''

The entrance directly lead to the kitchen. Both women took place, Luna next offering some home baked pastries, to which Lucy agree with joy. She loved sweets.

''You didn't sleep a lot last night...,'' started Luna, sitting next to her friend.

It was useless to lie. Luna, even with her slight distracted look, had a great observeation skill and knew her friend better than anyone. Lucy told her everything without any remorse, from her restless night to her desesperate attempt to ask for help from Snape so he could teach her Occlumency. Luna listened to her without any judgment. She was not only her friend, but also her confident. The black haired witch felt free to be herself around the other, knowing both had unique personalities that sometimes disturbed others around them. Lucy, having a hard time to make friends, had spent all her school years with Luna, to which she had bonded and developped a strong friendship when the blonde haired girl had made her entry to Hogwarts, a year after Lucy.

The afternoon went by fast, the sun soon giving place to a dark sky, a clear signal for Lucy to head back home.. She thanked Luna and her father for the hospitality and the Ventiartis tea bags, then disappeared for her home. She appeared before Faust, the bird patiently waiting on his perch, affectionately crowing to his mistress.

***

January 19th, 1999

Lucy only slept a few hours that night, no evil ghosts waking her up this time. Now she was excited for her trip to Hogsmeade, repacking her suitcase two times more so she could feel satisfied. This day looked promising!  
She had never exposed her art before, but it was the owner of the Three Broomsticks, Rosmerta, that, as soon as she saw her draw at her bar while drinking a ButterBeer, had proposed for her to expose and even offer her services right in front of the establishment. Wizards, in her opinion, were cruelly in lack of any art knowledge and she thought it was wonderful that a young witch such as Lucy was taking time to other interests rather than solely magic. The owner had then fully agreed to let her expose, which would probably bring her customer on the same occasion, and set up for January 19th, around eleven o' clock.

Which left Lucy around thirty minutes when she glanced to her clock.

She bid farewell to Faust, put on her coat, grabbed her suitcase then left her apartment. Making sure no one was around, she visualized Hogsmeade's entrance, next disappearing.

Fortunately, today was a beautiful day. The sun pierced the grey sky and a joyous atmosphere followed her on her way to the Three Broomsticks.

Rosmerta saw her approach on the other side of the window and waved at her, to which Lucy replied with a smile.  
With a wave of her wand, she melted some snow, creating a heated spot big enough to place her easel, her stool bench and some of her pieces, which she methodically placed, making sure all was perfect. Once she got to the green-eyed lady portrait (which she had titled Lily), she placed it at the center, her masterpiece.... She next showed her prices and a sign which showed her name.

She already brought the attention of many people. Even with her social anxiety, Lucy took in a deep breath, answering to their smiles, sitting before her empty canvas.

The first hour got by slowly. Her pieces were catching gazes and compliments, but nothing more. Lucy had no idea if she would sell anything and, after a while, she felt slight shame. Did she do well to accept the Three Broomsticks' owner's proposition? People were certainly taking her for a muggle's art enthusiast, exposing herself in this sort... The young woman never saw anyone else in the wizarding world do something similar, which brought her to wonder if this was all the risk of a new panic attack for this little...

She took a deep breath, telling herself that if nobody was interested in her art, they were missing big time!

She spent the next hour working on a caricature of the Shrieking Shack. Having spent many visits there when studying at Hogwarts, she remembered perfectly the dark and mystical scenery that offered that place.

Rosmerta brought her a butterbeer in the meantime, on the house. Lucy thanked her, taking her time to enjoy her drink.

Once the beer finished, she got back to her scenery, not even noticing that someone had come near, holding one of her works in their hands.

Lucy looked up and almost choked on her own saliva.

She instantly recognized that pale face, that proeminent nose and those long, dark and greasy hair under the hood. Wearing all black, Severus Snape was standing there, before her stand, studying one of the portraits as if it was the most interesting book. He lift his glacial eyes on the young woman, turning the piece of work in her direction.  
It was Lily's drawing...

''How do you know this woman?'' he asked.

His voice was dry and cracking, as if he hadn't open his mouth in weeks. Lucy, still in shock, didn't fully understand his question.

''The woman in this drawing, miss Velvet,'' he added, impatient.

''You remember me?''

''Answer my question!''

Lucy shivered under his cold stare. Snape had never been the happiest person, but something told the witch not to play his nerves for too long, especially with that strange aura coming out of him. … A dark, translucid aura that she never saw before, but was slowly making its way out of the man, leaving the woman uneasy. She rarely met people with strange, unique auras and thus, not knowing their meaning, always tried to stay away from them.

''It's just a drawing,'' she finally answered. ''She's an … acquaintance.''

''Lies! This woman died for more than a decade. Tell me how you know her?''

Answer him, he's an Occlumens. He knows you're lying. The passerbys are starting to look at us.  
Your heart is beating fast, you know what this means?  
An attack. Before everyone. You want people to see you cry? You want to cry like a pitiful child in front of your old teacher? He will laugh at you. Everybody will laugh at the useless crybaby that you are.

Lucy gulped, breathing in.

Very slowly.

She knew what she had to do.

''I could tell you everything I know about this woman, professor. You see, Lily is a dear friend of mine. Unfortunately, I can't say anything without expecting something in return.''

''You insolent child, if you think I-''

''Very well,'' Lucy cut, sustaining his killer gaze. ''You are an Occlumens, you then know that I am not lying by stating that I know this woman. You care about her? You wish to know our relation, our story? Fair enough, but you must realize that this won't go without a price. And this price, professor, you must know what it is if you remember my letters.''

Snape was silent, but if his eyes were able to murder, he would have already done so.

Lucy, seeing how attentive he was towards such affront, took the chance. She was certain he would laugh at her, but she had nothing else to lose.

''Teach me Occlumency and I will tell you everything you wish to know about Lily Evans.''


End file.
